I usually don't like posts to be simple rants on a topic. But today I feel like ranting.

Don't know what to say about the state of our country, sitting here watching the steady snow fall from a nor'easter hitting on the biggest travel day  of the year.

It is so sad. And so predictable. And so prevalent. Good thing the Supreme Court decided institutional racism was over in America. Too bad they forgot to tell Darren Wilson and the Ferguson police department. And Robert McCulloch the prosecutor who ran the grand jury like he was Wilson's defense attorney.

Point automatic rifles at federal officials on behalf of a rancher breaking laws in Nevada and you're a hero and a patriot and a freedom fighter. Wonder how that would work out for a black rancher and some armed supporters?

I don't know what happened that August day in Ferguson. I wasn't there. But from the various accounts I have my suspicions what transpired but I'll admit that is rank speculation. 

But what seems irrefutable to me is that at the end of it all there was a white cop chasing an unarmed black man who he likened to a "demon" and "Hulk Hogan". So afraid for his life and safety he pursued the subject and didn't call for backup. 

And it seems obvious that Michael Brown had essentially surrendered at the end. Already shot, wounded, arms raised. Only the cop and one eyewitness said Brown was charging menacingly at the end before the fatal shots were fired. And that one witness wrote diary entries that they were in Ferguson that day to see if there was a reason they should start looking at blacks as people rather than "n*****s". Really credible witness there.

Other witnesses seemed pretty unified in saying Brown had given up and had his arms raised in a surrender posture, not in a threatening manner. But their accounts don't count for anything it seems.

And I find it very unsettling that the words Officer Wilson uses to describe Brown very closely mirror the descriptions given by the LA officers who beat Rodney King. Even catching them in the act on video tape wasn't enough to convict them. All you have to do is play the "scary big black man" card. It's the stand your ground and police's equivalent of "get out of jail free".

Sure I'm Darren Wilson and I'm 6'4" and in no way a toothpick. But that demon was 6'5" and big and black and scary. Did I mention he was black?

It is obvious Wilson did not see Michael Brown as a human being. He was something else. Something scary and menacing that needed to be put down.

I cried on Inauguration Day in 2009 thinking how far this country had come and how wonderful it was to see America's promise being fulfilled in some huge, meaningful way. 

This Thanksgiving Day 2014 I cry again for America. 

The unfortunate events in Ferguson, Missouri, yet another shooting of an unarmed black male by white police, along with some other recent shootings of blacks by cops, have led to increased discussion of the legacy of race in this country. It has also resurrected the discussion of "white privilege".

For those not familiar, white privilege is the notion that white people, in a society such as the United States, receive certain deference or privileges based solely on the color of their skin. The evidence can run from the trivial, blacks more likely to be followed in a store when shopping for example, to the more profound, such as blacks more likely to be arrested and incarcerated than whites for the same offense.

While some whites acknowledge the existence of white privilege, many do not. Some doubt its very existence or downplay its significance. For what it's worth here is the perspective of a white, middle-class, middle-aged American male who also used to be a "white privilege skeptic".

Growing up and in my earlier adult years I did not believe in white privilege. I'm sure my reaction to the notion was similar to that of many middle-class white males. My thoughts would have been something like this:

"What privilege? Nobody handed me anything on a silver platter. I had to work for my grades. I had to work to get into a good college. I didn't get in to any school because Daddy gave a big donation or knew the right person. And I had to find my own job. Mummy and Daddy didn't have one waiting for me at the family business, or put in a word with an uncle or a family friend to get me a job. I've earned what I have. So what privilege did I get?"

I even recall an incident sophomore year in college, sitting in our dorm room with my roommate, an aspiring pre-med student from Long Island. One of the freshmen on the floor came in to introduce himself. He was African-American. We got to talking and he told us he too hoped to go to medical school. Of course he threw in that he had to achieve a 2.75 GPA or so to insure getting in.

After he left my roommate looked at me with a smirk, shaking his head. He stated something along the lines of, "do you know what happens if I apply to med schools with a 2.75 GPA? I might as well not bother if that's what I have." And shook his head some more. 

Because while he and I could acknowledge that many blacks had been disadvantaged and deserved some breaks to account for that,  we chalked it up more to poverty than skin color. Sure, cut someone some slack if they came from a bad neighborhood with bad schools. But don't give breaks if they came from a suburban neighborhood and a decent school (as the aforementioned freshman had) just because they were black. Due to our middle class background we didn't see ourselves as privileged. We couldn't see where anybody had paved any paths for us.

This ambivalence concerning affirmative action and to the concept of white privilege stayed with me most of my adult life. It began to change when I served on the Board of Education in my town in Connecticut. 

About the same time as my service on the school board began the Sheff vs. O'Neill case had made its way through the courts. A brief summary for those who don't want to follow the link:

• In 1989 several school children and their parents sued the state of Connecticut alleging that as urban and minority students they were not receiving an equal education compared to other children in Connecticut
• In 1996 the Connecticut Supreme Court sided with the plaintiffs and stated that every child in Connecticut was guaranteed an equal education as a constitutional right
• In 1997 Connecticut's General Assembly (state legislature) passed laws in response to the Sheff ruling to attempt to eliminate racial and socio-economic inequalities in the public schools

Among the efforts supported under the legislation were seminars or group sessions within the schools concerning diversity. Our school board formed an ad-hoc committee to implement this aspect of the law. One of our board members (the only person of color on the board) ran diversity training and workshops as part of his business. He was a natural selection to head up the committee and run the workshops. They wanted another board member to participate as well. I don't know what the reasoning was, but I was asked to join the committee. With no real enthusiasm I agreed.

To say that the experience was educational and eye-opening is an understatement. The first group as I recall consisted solely of staff members from the district. Later groups would include parents and administrators. 

The first group focused on the changing demographics of our town and our schools. As with many communities we were seeing a growth in the Hispanic population in particular and minorities in general, while the staff remained almost exclusively white. We had a mix of "old guard" teachers, and younger Hispanic staff who were involved with ESL and other support services, in the first group. We met several times over a some months exploring diversity, understanding, etc. The discussions were very interesting and informative, at least to me who was in a position to really sit back and observe the interactions and perspectives of this diverse group.

One day the topic was white privilege. We watched a video of an Oprah show where racism and white privilege had been the focus. That did open me up to the concept of white privilege and lead to much discussion in the group. But it was a story told by my fellow board member during the group discussion after watching the video that somehow really drove it home to me.

He related a story of one of his first jobs at a corporate headquarters in New York City. I believe this was in the late 1960's or early 1970's. As you may imagine there were not too many people of color in the office at that time.

There was a really good soul food restaurant not too far from where their office was. So occasionally the minority employees got together to go there for lunch. At first they would meet up at someone's desk. Once they had all assembled they would then go out to lunch. As I recall we are not talking about more than 5 or 6 people, maybe even less. 

One afternoon after he had returned from one of these trips to the soul food restaurant my colleague was approached by his boss. The boss began by asking if everything was alright. The response was sure why do you ask?

The answer was that "they", the others in the office, had noticed the black people congregating and talking together and then taking off. Just wanted to be sure there were no issues, they weren't upset about anything, etc. My colleague answered that no they were just meeting to go out to lunch together to a local soul food restaurant.

From that day on whenever their group wanted to go out they always met on the sidewalk a short ways from the office before going to the restaurant. No sense making their bosses and co-workers nervous seeing the black employees together in one place, probably talking about "them".

That anecdote is what finally drove home the truth of white privilege to me. How silly. How stupid. And how exhausting. If a group of white employees ever gathered together before going off for lunch, or for any reason, would anyone have cared? Would anyone have noticed? Would it have made anyone nervous? Would anyone have mentioned it to them? No. No. No. And no.

From that day it was like the scales fell from my eyes. I won't pretend to be able to fully understand, or to "get it",  but I can empathize and at least understand at an intellectual level. And I can certainly see the many ways, both mundane and profound, that white privilege asserts itself in our society.

Whether it's not being able to congregate in a group, large or small, with people of like color without causing suspicion; whether it's being stopped outside a store because you, having dark skin, could not possibly afford that $350 belt and must be using a stolen credit card; whether it's driving or walking or sitting while black; or whether it's being steered to certain neighborhoods no matter your income or occupation; being suspended or incarcerated at higher rates for the same behaviors or crimes as whites; or to be considered threatening and therefore a justifiable homicide, simply due to your skin color and physical features; or gunned down in a store while holding a toy gun pulled off a shelf; or be met with a militarized heavily armed unit and tear gassed when peacefully marching for your rights; while all the while a white person can open carry automatic weapons into fast food restaurants, or point weapons at federal agents and be hailed as heroes and it is law enforcement that stands down to "avoid conflict"; the evidence for white privilege is ample and obvious, whether intellectual heavy weights like Bill O'Reilly care to acknowledge it or not.

Jon Stewart on The Daily Show segment addressing Ferguson and the issues of race and white privilege probably summed it up as well as I've ever heard it:

"Race is there and it is a constant. You're tired of hearing about it? Imagine how fucking exhausting it is living it."