One of the rallying cries of the political right in the United States is the idea of "American Exceptionalism". Generally this is a belief that we are different and better than other countries and peoples on the planet. We are truly God's chosen people. The shining beacon on the hill for the rest of the world to admire and aspire to.

And let me say that there are some positive aspects we can attribute to this concept. We were after all the first modern experiment in democracy. We were the inspiration for the French Revolution and other revolutions and "evolutions" to freedom and democracy around the world that followed in its wake. The concept of liberty and freedom inherent in our Revolution has been an inspiration to "freedom fighters" around the world ever since. 

Unfortunately however there are other ways where American Exceptionalism runs in the other direction. Recently I was thinking of this in terms of slavery.

If you asked the average American about the history of slavery in the United States it might go something like this:

• Slavery existed in the American colonies because it existed in the countries that colonized America
• Slavery was bad
• We fought a Civil War to end slavery and passed a Constitutional Amendment ending it once the war was over 
• Slavery is over, there was some discrimination afterwards, but we had a civil rights movement, we are back to being the beacon on the hill, so shut up already. USA! USA! USA!

If you are a true America loving conservative, like former Representative Michelle Bachmann, you even gloss over the time between the Revolution and the Civil War, and boast of how the Founding Fathers worked tirelessly until slavery was abolished. No mention of how many generations that took or the Civil War required to end it.

What they never taught you, or at least never taught me, was how America lagged behind the other nations of the Western Hemisphere, as well as the countries of Europe, in abolishing slavery. And most of those countries didn't require a bloody Civil War to accomplish it. 

American History was one of my favorite subjects in school. I even achieved a perfect score on the American History achievement test, which is mentioned by way of credentials, not boastfully. So it's not that I fell asleep in class that day and missed it. They just didn't teach it.

Instead we discover that the countries of Europe and North and South America had mostly abolished slavery before our Civil War began. Some of them did it incrementally, others all at once. Some did it voluntarily, some required "persuasion" or payments from such external forces as the British Empire to see the light. A partial summary is noted below, while a more comprehensive listing can be found here.

• 1811 - abolished in Spain and all Spanish colonies except Cuba, Puerto Rico and Santo Domingo
• 1814 - Netherlands; Uruguay
• 1819 - Canada
• 1821 - Ecuador and Panama
• 1823 - Chile
• 1824 - Mexico (and in 1830 extended the ban on slavery to the Texas territory - and of course when Texas declared itself independent it re-established slavery in 1836)
• 1831 - Bolivia
• 1834 - 1843 - Britain outlaws slavery for itself and eventually all its colonies
• 1848 - all French and Dutch colonies
• 1850 - Brazil and Colombia
• 1854 - Peru and Venezuela
• 1861 - the year our Civil War began - Russia frees all its serfs

So there you have it. This is what they didn't teach you in school, and probably couldn't in today's political climate in most states even if they wanted to. America was exceptional alright, exceptional in how long we held on to the "peculiar institution" of slavery, exceptional in how we required such a large and bloody struggle in order to end it.

And that doesn't even begin to deal with the aftermath of the Civil War and Reconstruction. It doesn't take into account the KKK, Jim Crow laws, separate but equal, redlining, and all the other ways black people were "kept in their place" after slavery was abolished.

But the proponents of American Exceptionalism will keep patting themselves on the back and giving themselves credit for ending slavery.

I usually don't read Cal Thomas, a leading conservative columnist. In fact according to the Chicago Tribune he is "America's number one nationally syndicated political columnist". They couldn't post it if it wasn't true.

But when I saw from the title that the subject of his latest column was retiring Representative Michelle Bachmann, well I had to look. It's like a pile-up at a NASCAR race. You're obligated to look, heck you're almost not human if you don't.

So curiosity piqued I waded into the column. And I came away with a totally different picture of Mr. Thomas.   It turns out Cal Thomas may just be his generation's greatest political comic. Follow me below for further explanation. 

The humor began ever so subtly. He started off by noting that Rep. Bachmann has less than a year to go in her final term. Too early for an exit interview, but never too early to get the views of Ms. Bachmann on the issues of the day, including "how to beat Hillary Clinton in 2016". And he delivered that with a straight face! Pure comic genius right there. Because who else do you turn to for deep political thoughts or winning "strategery" than the founder of the John Wayne Gacy Fan Club? Or the woman who relies on scientific advice from some woman who comes up to her at an event?

But wait Cal wasn't done.  He asked her if she was disappointed the conservative cause has not gotten further during her time in Washington. Her response was that the conservative agenda requires voters electing people with "a biblical world view". Now some people might get the joke right there, but Cal missed an opportunity with this one. It required some more setup, some mention of how Rep. Bachmann and others are all up in arms about Muslims and Sharia Law. Then hit them with the biblical world view quote. Sometimes Cal you do need to hit the audience between the eyes with a 2 by 4.

Cal quickly redeemed himself however when the topic turned to getting Ms. Bachmann's advice on how a presumptive male Republican nominee goes about beating Hillary Clinton in 2016. And of course you already know what's coming next, but that doesn't make it any less hilarious. Or should I say "Hillary-ous"? Two words: "Benghazi" and "Obamacare". Pow! Bam! Sure you see it coming but it still leaves you rolling on the floor laughing your you know what off.

And again Cal was the master of restraint, transcribing these lines from Bachmann like they were to be taken seriously. Comic gold. 

First up in the one-two punch Bachmann advises for taking out Hillary: 
"Remind people (Clinton) is seeking to become commander in chief (and look at) how she has operated in the past with these types of responsibilities. She was in charge during the Benghazi debacle."

Yes. Yes. Benghazi. It really took Obama out in 2012.

But wait, catch your breath for the second in the combination from the dear departing Representative:

She says to label Hillary as the "the godmother of Obamacare", who worked "behind closed doors" to enact a similar program when her husband was president.


That one is the absolute best right there. How Cal kept from laughing out loud in Michelle's face and wrote it in his column as if it was something worthy of serious consideration is beyond me. I mean sure, what is now Obamacare was devised by the conservative Heritage Foundation as the market based answer to what the Clintons had proposed for health care reform. And sure, what is now Obamacare was pushed for a while by Senate Republicans at the time, again as the market based solution to counter the Clinton plan. But make believe that the Clinton plan was like Obamacare and pin it on her. And Cal plays along like this is a great strategy!


But wait, Bachmann is still not finished. Cal sets her up beautifully at this point. Despite the obvious and proven appeal of the twin Benghazi-Obamacare attacks, how, he asks Ms. Bachmann, does the GOP candidate overcome the "lure" some voters might feel to elect our first female president. 
Don't you worry, Michelle's answer does not disappoint. 

"Effectively she would be Obama's third and fourth term in office."

That one still cracks me up every time I read it. Yes, you can overcome the "female" angle by hanging Obama around Hillary's neck. You know with Benghazi and Obamacare. Because those issues weren't tried before. And that's where Cal Thomas has shown himself to be a true artist. Surely he knows the joke is that the GOP tried Benghazi and Obamacare as two of their main issues in 2012. Heck they flogged them to death. How many times did Mitt Romney promise he was going to repeal Obamacare, "day one"? Presumably by executive order. And we all know how he tried to make Benghazi a center piece of the presidential debates. And he lost in 2012 by something like 5 million votes to Obama. 

But Cal just keeps feeding Bachmann the rope and plays the straight man while she hangs herself by seriously proposing that Benghazi and Obamacare are the keys to beating Hillary in 2016. I'm still wiping the tears from my eyes. 

Just in case your ribs weren't already sore from all the laughing, Cal delivers another punch line stating that those issues and the prospect of Hillary being a continuation of Obama "might scare enough people to vote for the Republican nominee". Just like they did in 2012. I get the joke,Cal, I get it! My sides hurt, please stop!


And as a final gift, Cal shares one more Bachmann gem concerning the possibility of the first female president. She believes "a lot of people 'aren't ready' for a female president". You didn't even have to say it Cal. We know what you were thinking. We can insert our own joke here.
I'll have to begin checking out his columns more often. It's always good to start your day with a good belly laugh - or several.